1. According to CNN, which apparently has the time on its hands to spend reporting on these things, John Mellencamp and Meg Ryan have ended their relationship.
My favorite part was this anonymous quote from one of Johnnie Cougar’s friends: “I don’t think he loved all the attention he got just from dating an actress. I bet he’ll stay away from dating another famous person for a while.” John Mellencamp is 62 years old. If he waits “a while,” the next famous person he’ll be dating is Death.

    According to CNN, which apparently has the time on its hands to spend reporting on these things, John Mellencamp and Meg Ryan have ended their relationship.

    My favorite part was this anonymous quote from one of Johnnie Cougar’s friends: “I don’t think he loved all the attention he got just from dating an actress. I bet he’ll stay away from dating another famous person for a while.” John Mellencamp is 62 years old. If he waits “a while,” the next famous person he’ll be dating is Death.

  2. Seems unfair that I’ve been rapping under the name Jiggy Azalea for a decade, and now people will think I’m the Johnny-come-lately.

  3. Thank goodness. I’ve watched the news, seen the photos, read the tweets; and through it all, I’ve thought, “What this situation needs is Billy Bragg.”

    Thank goodness. I’ve watched the news, seen the photos, read the tweets; and through it all, I’ve thought, “What this situation needs is Billy Bragg.”

  4. Man cannon, indeed.

    Man cannon, indeed.

  5. I thought Danity Kane was a wrestler and that he was sad that two lady wrestlers, perhaps part of a wrestler harem, got in a fight. Turns out Danity Kane is was a singing group.

    I thought Danity Kane was a wrestler and that he was sad that two lady wrestlers, perhaps part of a wrestler harem, got in a fight. Turns out Danity Kane is was a singing group.

  6. Real telephone conversations with Bob Newhart must be pretty disappointing.

  7. a portrait of the artist as a Youngman
  8. Despite what the mainstream media would have you believe, 99% of clown posses are mentally stable.

  9. Never have I seen man, woman, or child eating a Chunky bar.

  10. If you’re asking if I’m interested in buying the ESPN NBA Countdown program on eBay, then the answer is “yes.” If you’re trying to get me involved in some backdoor slavery deal whereupon I purchase these two people via an online auction website, then I say, “no, sir.”

    If you’re asking if I’m interested in buying the ESPN NBA Countdown program on eBay, then the answer is “yes.” If you’re trying to get me involved in some backdoor slavery deal whereupon I purchase these two people via an online auction website, then I say, “no, sir.”